I have made this entry public, due to the cercumstances of a conversation last night.
There have been some nasty things said over a good year now over bullshit that... well... should have ended a long time ago.
Amidst all the bullshit drama and what not, I had been fed information that was, well turned out to be untrue, and when i found out this false infor (which i thought was real at the time) I went and tried to save Jakel from hurting himself, because i no longer wanted him to hurt himself over me when i started dating Andy. Not only because i didnt like the fact that Jakel was harming himself, but at the fact that his pain, was well, rubbing off on me, because i really hate it when someone is hurting and it is my fault. It does it makes me feel guilty, well... unless i want the person to hurt, then i wont feel bad, but in JAkel's case, I did not want him to hurt. I wanted him to get over me the easiest way possible. And aparently the approach i made to trying to help him get over me was incorrect.
There were many things said, many rumors spred about both of us, that we both thought was true, but they both turned out to be false.
I spoke with him on his birthday about it, not realizing it was his birthday, which i did apologize for, cause my last intention was to ruin his 22nd birthday.
But for once actually our conversation was calm and well... lol.. rational.
I promised him that i would do this, and i am keeping the promise i made.
When i was told Jakel was doing coke again, I did i went and told the person whom he was living with at the time, so they could help him stop, because I didnt want him back into that. I was truely looking out for him, I really did only tell that one person, but aparently it got around differently.
I'm sorry for the things i've said and the things i did to him to make him hurt. I did take the wrong approach and I do not expect him to accept or believe my apology, because also by now, the apology means nothing as is.
But to be honest, i just want it to end. I want to move on with my life like i have been doing for the past 6 months, and continue being happy.
i hope Jakel can find happiness in the future as well.
Thank you for your time.